Why I’m Scared To Call Myself A Writer

I love English. I love to read. But more importantly, I love to write. Everyone has different ways of letting their creative juices flow – sure, I too have several ways. Yet none seem to do the trick just as well as writing does.

But the truth is, I don’t always voice that I write, nor do I call myself a ‘writer’ and I definitely don’t say I’m good at it.

And I’d be lying if I said I’m trying to be humble, it’s not that. I’m a person that always wants to do more. If you’ve read my post on Why My Constant Need To Do More May Sometimes Be Damaging, you’d know what I mean. Now, being that person – means I’m overly ambitious. I set these unattainable goals for myself and coerce myself into believing that I’m doing it so I can ‘push myself’.

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The truth is, I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. And nobody else is responsible for that, except me. I put so much pressure on myself to be worthy of a title and success and greatness, that I forget I am human. I am so worried about failure, that I sometimes digress from believing in myself.

Writing a blog doesn’t make me a good writer. Winning a writing competition doesn’t make me a good writer. Nothing, aside from myself, can dictate whether I am a good writer or not. But, it’s hard to do that when I have little faith in myself. Unfortunately, as much as I’ve hoped it’s not true – I do look for some sort of validation to believe, “okay, maybe I am pretty good!” And I get that, I do. But everyone isn’t going to hype me up 24/7, nor will I be complimented every day in the real world – in fact, it’s quite the opposite, I’m probably going to be criticized and torn down before I managed to make my mark. So relying on the validation of others is nothing but deadly.

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Despite maybe needing validation and not having enough faith in myself, I’m not dumb, unaware or not confident. I’m aware of the fact that I need to be my biggest fan, I need to believe in myself, and that the world isn’t always going to be a nice place to me. But being someone that tends to overthink and get anxious, whilst being such a goal-getter and dream-seeker, it’s hard to put the bad thoughts to bed even when I know they stand no ground.

So in essence, I don’t call myself a writer because I don’t know if I’ll make it. If I’ll ever get published. If I’m good enough to be one. But, maybe – it’s time to change that.

Time to realize that – only when I start believing it, so will others.

Watch out for that book release in another couple of years, maybe. (let’s hope!)

One Reply to “Why I’m Scared To Call Myself A Writer”

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