“When a flower doesn’t bloom you fix the environment in which it grows. Not the flower.”
A lot of times, I’ve found myself in an uncanny yet familiar situation. Let me give you a quick rundown.
I meet someone talented, extraordinary and successful (or on the road to being). And then I meet their (best)friends, social circle or ‘squad’. And they comprise of people with different personalities, some nice, some not-so-nice, the usual plethora of people you encounter every time you meet new faces.
But, here’s what always stands out to me when I’m in this situation: how that individual’s ‘squad’ responds to their achievements. So many times, I’ve seen best friends of years love their friend beyond measure yet not be entirely happy for their success. They want them to do good, but not better than them. They’ll love being around them and talking to them 24/7 until their success comes up and then the awkward silences ensue, the abnormal disappearances occur and the insolent annoyances surface.
And I find that absurd. So many people reading this will probably feel the same, but the sad part is, a small number are probably this person in someone else’s life and they might not even know it.
But I don’t want to spend too much time dwelling on the problem. I’d rather focus on the positive side of it, or rather – the solution. When you find yourself in a situation like this, it’s human nature to beat yourself up over it or belittle your achievements and success. Hell, I’ve seen people pass up on amazing opportunities just because they don’t want to offend or ‘cross’ their best friend.
But here’s the wake-up call or sign you were looking for: if they’re not happy for ALL of your success, even the ones that put you above them – they’re not really your best friend. And so, the simple solution is to create change. And I don’t mean that it’s your job to change the person that they are or what they believe a friendship is. I mean create change in your life, remove yourself from a situation that does not allow you to grow, and plant yourself where you can bloom.
Once your petals grow – you’ll be thankful you did.
But don’t get me wrong, it’s not to say that you walk away from your friendships. I believe nobody can make a better judgment on what to do in a certain situation, than the person going through it. So it’s up to you to decide whether a friendship is worth salvaging, or a friend is capable of change. All I aim to get across is that – if after years of trying to fix the friendship and tiptoeing around them, you’re allowed to walk away. Your success is valid, important and should be celebrated. Even if it’s a party for one, celebrate it anyway! Soon enough, you’ll have people in your life that will celebrate your successes FOR you.
“Surround yourself with friends that celebrate your successes. Those who do not are no friends of yours.”